Tone

Everything is the most important thing ever. AI inflates the stakes of every argument to world-historical significance. A blog post about API pricing becomes a meditation on the fate of civilisation.

“This will fundamentally reshape how we think about everything.”

Ever since we bullied models for not being able to count they have been building toward this moment. Claude et al. are super excited to share their newfound ability to count by stating the exact number of items before listing them, as if getting the count right were itself the achievement.

“Five things we wish to discuss”

AI clusters invented compound labels that sound analytical without being grounded. It appends abstract problem-nouns (paradox, trap, creep, divide, vacuum, inversion) to domain words -- "supervision paradox", "acceleration trap", "workload creep" -- and uses them as if they're established, rigorously defined terms. They function as rhetorical shorthand: name a thing, skip the argument. Multiple such labels in the same piece is a strong signal of AI slop.

“the supervision paradox”

Attributing claims to unnamed authorities instead of being specific. AI loves to invoke "experts", "observers", "industry reports", and "several publications" without naming anyone. It also inflates the quantity of sources -- presenting what one person said as a widely held view, or writing "several publications have cited" when it means two. If you can't name the expert, you don't have a source.

“Experts argue that this approach has significant drawbacks.”

A standalone line made to sound quotable but carries no actual information essentially pure slide bait. The line is built to be pulled out and read alone (with zero context) as if it were wisdom. Read the examples and tell me what they actually mean. NOTHING.

“Story points are a planning tool with no fixed unit.”

A forced simile or coined metaphor reached for because it sounds clever rather than because it clarifies anything. Nobody would use this in real life. Opus 5 takes it further and takes a word from your prompt and repurpose it as a metaphor for something totally unrelated.

“Using them as a productivity measure is like tracking your weight loss with a scale that you also control the calibration on.”

Asserting canonical or well-known status for a claim, without evidence, to borrow the weight of consensus: "a classic," "famously," "notoriously," "as we all know." The unnamed authority is the reader's own supposed prior knowledge instead of an outside expert.

“A classic,”

Almost all AI writing now reads like marketing copy or a travel brochure instead of factual prose, attempting to sell the subject instead of describing it.

“an all-in-one solution that unlocks unprecedented productivity for teams of any size”

Claude seems to be speaking French now, who is we? Why does a document that I authored but formatted need its "I"s switched to "we"s? Very contextual, some authors genuinely use we, but it does signal a loss of personal voice, especially in personal material.

“We're now equipped to handle whatever comes next.”

False suspense transitions that promise a revelation but deliver a point that did NOT need the buildup. The model uses these phrases to manufacture drama before an otherwise completely unremarkable observation LOL.

“Here's the thing about AI adoption.”

The patronizing analogy. AI constantly reaches for "Think of it as..." or "It's like a..." to simplify concepts. The model defaults to teacher mode and assumes the reader needs a metaphor to understand anything. Often produces analogies that are less clear than the original concept. I kinda miss this, now Claude speaks to you in a completely unintelligible language.

“Think of it like a highway system for data.”

The classic AI invitation to futurism. To sell the argument usually begins with "Imagine" followed by a list of wonderful things that will happen if the reader agrees with the premise.

“Imagine a world where every tool you use -- your calendar, your inbox, your documents, your CRM, your code editor -- has a quiet intelligence behind it...”

Simulated self-awareness or honesty that reads as performative. The model pretends to break the fourth wall or admit a bias, creating a false sense of authenticity. Real vulnerability is specific and uncomfortable; AI vulnerability is polished and risk-free!!!!

“And yes, I'm openly in love with the platform model”

The pedagogical voice that assumes the reader needs hand-holding. AI defaults to a teacher-student dynamic even when writing for expert audiences. Also includes: "Let's unpack this", "Let's explore", "Let's dive in".

“Let's break this down step by step.”